What to Do If Your Birth Doesn’t Go According to Your Antenatal Birth Plan

Creating an antenatal birth plan is an empowering way to prepare for childbirth. It allows you to think through your preferences and communicate them to your healthcare team. However, childbirth is often unpredictable, and sometimes things don’t go as planned. If your birth deviates from your birth plan, it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions, from disappointment to relief, or even grief.

This guide is here to help you navigate those feelings, make sense of what happened, and take steps to process the experience, ensuring you feel supported and informed moving forward.

Why Birth Plans Aren’t Guarantees

A birth plan is a guide, not a fixed script. It reflects your preferences and helps your healthcare team understand your values, but unforeseen circumstances, medical emergencies, or your baby’s needs can take things in a different direction.

The NHS and organisations like Birthrights emphasise that flexibility is key. While it’s important to advocate for your preferences, it’s equally vital to trust that your healthcare team prioritises safety for both you and your baby (Birthrights).

Processing a Birth That Didn’t Go to Plan

It’s completely natural to feel a sense of loss when your birth deviates from what you envisioned. Taking time to grieve, reflect, and seek support is crucial for your emotional well-being.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

You might feel disappointed, frustrated, or even traumatised if things didn’t go according to plan. These feelings are valid and deserve space. Bottling them up can make processing the experience harder.

Tips for Acknowledging Your Emotions:

Talk openly with your partner or a trusted friend about your feelings.

Journal about your experience to help organise your thoughts.

Allow yourself to grieve the birth you envisioned without guilt.

2. Request a Debriefing

Many hospitals and midwives in the UK offer a birth debriefing service. This is an opportunity to sit down with your midwife or obstetrician to discuss what happened during your labour and delivery.

What a Debriefing Involves:

A review of your medical records.

Explanations about why certain decisions were made.

Time to ask questions and clarify aspects of your experience.

A debriefing can help you make sense of events, address lingering concerns, and inform future birth plans. Studies show that understanding the reasons behind deviations from a plan can help reduce feelings of distress or trauma (Thomson & Downe, 2016).

3. Seek Professional Support

If you’re struggling to process your birth experience, seeking help from a professional can be transformative.

Options for Support:

Counselling: Birth trauma therapists can help you work through complex emotions.

Peer Support Groups: Organisations like The Birth Trauma Association connect you with others who understand what you’re going through (BTA).

GP Referrals: Speak to your GP about accessing mental health support through the NHS.

Using the Experience to Inform Future Birth Plans

If you plan to have more children, reflecting on your previous birth can help you create an informed and flexible birth plan next time.

Questions to Consider:

What aspects of my birth plan worked well?

Which elements didn’t go as expected, and why?

What additional information or preparations could help in the future?

What to Include in a Flexible Birth Plan

When crafting future plans, flexibility can help you feel more prepared for the unexpected.

1. Backup Pain Relief Options

If you aimed for a natural birth but required medical pain relief, include a backup plan for options like epidurals or Entonox.

2. Preferences for Interventions

Clarify how you’d like to approach medical interventions, such as inductions or assisted deliveries, while recognising they may become necessary.

3. Emergency Scenarios

Outline your priorities for unplanned scenarios, such as an emergency C-section, including preferences for skin-to-skin contact or delayed cord clamping where possible.

Supporting Your Emotional Recovery

Emotional recovery is as important as physical recovery after childbirth.

1. Take Time to Heal

Allow yourself space to rest and recover. Focus on self-care activities, like gentle walks, nourishing meals, and connecting with loved ones.

2. Celebrate Small Wins

Even if things didn’t go according to plan, there may have been moments of joy or empowerment. Reflecting on these can help balance the narrative of your birth story.

3. Involve Your Partner

Encourage your partner to share their perspective, as they may also need time to process the experience.

Partner Support in Challenging Births

Your partner plays a crucial role during and after labour, especially if things deviate from the birth plan.

Ways They Can Help:

During Labour: Advocate for your preferences while remaining calm and collaborative with healthcare providers.

After Labour: Offer emotional support, validate your feelings, and join debriefing sessions to understand what happened.

Encourage your partner to seek support if they’re struggling to process the experience, as birth trauma can affect them too.

When to Seek Additional Help

Certain signs may indicate that professional help is needed to support your recovery:

Persistent feelings of sadness, guilt, or anger about the birth.

Difficulty bonding with your baby.

Flashbacks, nightmares, or heightened anxiety related to the experience.

The NHS and organisations like The Birth Trauma Association offer pathways to support for those experiencing postnatal PTSD or birth-related anxiety (NHS).

UK Resources for Support

NHS Postnatal Services: Access mental health resources and debriefing services through your midwife or GP. Visit NHS.

Birth Trauma Association (BTA): Provides support for women affected by traumatic births. Visit BTA.

Birthrights: Offers guidance on navigating maternity care and addressing birth trauma. Visit Birthrights.

NCT (National Childbirth Trust): Hosts postnatal groups where parents can share their experiences. Visit NCT.

Final Thoughts

Childbirth is a journey that doesn’t always follow the path we envision. While it’s natural to feel disappointed or even heartbroken when your birth plan doesn’t go as expected, there are many ways to process the experience, find support, and move forward with confidence.

Take time to grieve the birth you hoped for, seek a debriefing to understand what happened, and reach out for professional or peer support if needed. Every birth story is unique, and yours is no less meaningful for having taken an unexpected turn.

Remember, your ability to adapt and care for yourself and your baby in the face of challenges is a testament to your strength. With time, reflection, and support, you can heal and move forward, feeling empowered and prepared for the next chapter of your parenting journey.

Source List

Thomson, G., & Downe, S. (2016). “The impact of traumatic birth on maternal wellbeing.” Midwifery, 33, 79-87. DOI:10.1016/j.midw.2016.02.014.

Birth Trauma Association (BTA). Visit BTA.

Birthrights. Visit Birthrights.

NHS Postnatal Services. Visit NHS.

Tommy’s PregnancyHub. Visit Tommy’s.