What Are "Mum Fails" and Am I Already Guilty of Them? - Navigating Social Media Pressure During Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a time of many physical and emotional changes, and with the rise of social media, expectant parents are exposed to an ever-growing body of advice, tips, and sometimes harsh judgments about what they should and shouldn’t do. Along with the celebration of the joys of parenthood, social media platforms are also filled with something called “mum fails” — a concept that has been both discussed and criticised. If you’re expecting and spending time scrolling through social media, you might find yourself wondering: Am I guilty of any of these so-called mum fails? Let’s dive into what these are and how to manage the pressure they can bring during your pregnancy.

Understanding “Mum Fails”

The term “mum fails” has become a somewhat viral, but often tongue-in-cheek, phrase used across social media platforms. In essence, a “mum fail” refers to any situation where a mother feels as though she has fallen short of an ideal expectation, particularly in the areas of motherhood, self-care, or even just the day-to-day challenges of pregnancy. The notion often points to the feeling of not meeting a social or cultural standard, whether that’s in how you care for yourself or prepare for the arrival of your little one. In the antenatal context, “mum fails” could be as simple as forgetting to take your antenatal vitamins one day or as significant as feeling unprepared for your upcoming antenatal appointments. The key here is that these “fails” are often self-perceived, exaggerated by social media, and rooted in the unrealistic standards that are sometimes set by influencers or fellow parents.

How Social Media Can Fuel the Fear of “Mum Fails”

The impact of social media on pregnancy and motherhood has been significant. While platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest are great for connecting with others and accessing resources like antenatal yoga tutorials or pregnancy care tips, they also create a space where idealised versions of pregnancy are often presented as the norm. This can lead to comparisons, anxiety, and the feeling that one has fallen short.

• Perfect Pregnancy Photos: It’s common to see influencers and celebrities post perfect pregnancy photos, showing them glowing and radiantly happy. But for many, pregnancy can come with challenges such as nausea, fatigue, or stress. The pressure to look as perfect as possible can add unnecessary anxiety during a time that’s already filled with uncertainty.
• Overwhelming Expectations: The influx of ‘must-have’ lists for antenatal care, recommended gadgets for babies, and even prenatal fitness routines can be overwhelming. The pressure to meet these expectations can often lead to the feeling of failing when things don’t go exactly as planned.
• Judgment from Peers: Sometimes, well-meaning friends or family might offer unsolicited advice, making you feel as if you’re doing something wrong or not doing enough. This is especially common in relation to prenatal care, antenatal fitness, and pregnancy wellness practices. What works for one person may not work for you, but social media tends to present things in absolutes.

Recognising the Signs of Mum Fails

Being aware of the signs that you’re falling into the “mum fail” trap can help you navigate this tricky emotional terrain. Here are a few signs that you might be struggling with feelings of failure during your pregnancy:

1. Constant Comparisons

If you’re constantly comparing your pregnancy journey with someone else’s, especially through social media, it may be time to step back. Each pregnancy is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. Comparing your experience to others’ can fuel feelings of inadequacy and guilt.

2. Feeling Overwhelmed by Social Media

Social media is a wonderful tool for connecting, but if you find that scrolling through your feed leaves you feeling worse about your pregnancy (whether it’s due to missed antenatal appointments, a lack of antenatal vitamins, or just the “perfect” pregnancy portrayals), it’s important to reconsider how much time you spend engaging with it. A good rule of thumb is to follow accounts that uplift and support your choices, rather than those that make you feel stressed.

3. Self-Criticism

Constant self-criticism, especially when it comes to your choices regarding antenatal care or your overall pregnancy well-being, can lead to feelings of failure. This could involve moments like feeling guilty if you didn’t make it to a prenatal yoga class or missed an antenatal massage appointment because you were too tired. It’s crucial to remember that self-care, both physically and mentally, is essential during pregnancy, and it’s okay not to have everything perfect all the time.

4. Ignoring Your Own Needs

If you find that you’re prioritising others’ expectations (from social media or people around you) over your own health and well-being, this might be an indication that you’re buying into the “mum fail” culture. For example, skipping antenatal yoga or neglecting antenatal support because you’re trying to meet an idealised version of pregnancy can be detrimental to both your mental and physical health.

How to Avoid “Mum Fails” and Embrace Real, Supportive Parenting

It’s important to remember that pregnancy care isn’t about perfection; it’s about doing what’s best for you and your baby. Here’s how you can embrace a more balanced approach and avoid getting stuck in the trap of “mum fails.”

1. Focus on Your Individual Journey

Every pregnancy is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for others might not work for you, and that’s perfectly okay. For example, some expectant mothers might swear by antenatal yoga, while others find more benefit in regular walks or prenatal swimming. Find what works for you, and be kind to yourself about it.

2. Limit Social Media Exposure

It’s okay to unfollow accounts that make you feel pressured or inadequate. Surround yourself with content that is supportive, educational, and positive. If social media feels like it’s increasing your stress about the pregnancy journey, consider taking a break from it.

3. Communicate Openly with Your Healthcare Providers

Being proactive with your antenatal appointments and seeking advice from trusted healthcare professionals can help you navigate the ups and downs of pregnancy with more confidence. Having a healthcare team that you trust will give you peace of mind when making decisions about antenatal vitamins, prenatal care, and lifestyle adjustments.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

It’s normal to have days where things don’t go according to plan. Missing a prenatal massage session or feeling too tired to do a yoga class isn’t a failure—it’s simply a sign that you need rest or a break. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

5. Celebrate the Small Wins

Instead of focusing on what you perceive as a “fail,” try to celebrate the small victories. Successfully navigating antenatal scans, taking a moment for yourself during a busy week, or simply resting when you need it are all worth recognising.

The Bottom Line: Embrace the Realities of Pregnancy

Ultimately, it’s important to move away from the idea of “mum fails” and instead embrace the real, messy, and beautiful journey of pregnancy. Social media often portrays an idealised version of pregnancy, but the truth is that no one’s journey is perfect. What matters most is that you are taking steps toward maintaining your health, seeking the right antenatal care, and giving yourself the grace to make mistakes along the way. You’re not alone in this, and the support you need—whether that’s through antenatal yoga, antenatal massage, or antenatal support groups—is available. Remember, you are not failing; you are simply learning and growing in this new chapter of your life. The most important thing is that you feel empowered to make decisions that are right for you and your baby, regardless of what others may think or what social media might suggest. Embrace your pregnancy journey with confidence, and let go of the pressure to be perfect.