Ten Things NOT to Say to a Woman in Her Third Trimester

The third trimester of pregnancy can be an exciting yet challenging time for expectant mothers. With their due date approaching, physical discomfort intensifies, emotions fluctuate, and anxieties around childbirth and antenatal care can become overwhelming. During this time, well-meaning friends, family members, and even strangers may offer unsolicited advice or comments that, while not intended to offend, can be insensitive. It’s crucial to be mindful of what you say to a pregnant woman, especially in her third trimester when both physical and emotional strain is at its peak. Here are ten things NOT to say to a woman in her third trimester, and why these comments may be more harmful than you think.

1. “Are you sure it’s not twins?”

At this stage in pregnancy, most women are acutely aware of how large their belly has become. Suggesting that they look like they’re carrying more than one baby can make them feel self-conscious about their size. It’s important to remember that every woman’s pregnancy journey is different, and factors such as genetics and fluid retention can affect the size of her bump. Rather than commenting on her appearance, offer supportive statements about how well she’s handling her pregnancy. Research has shown that body image concerns during pregnancy can impact a woman’s mental health, making it even more important to avoid comments about size (Fairburn & Welch, 1990). Antenatal mental health support can be critical during this time, ensuring women feel confident and supported throughout their pregnancy.

2. “You’re about to pop!”

Hearing that she looks like she could give birth at any moment can be stressful for a woman in her third trimester, particularly if she still has several weeks left before her due date. Comments like this only add to the anxiety she may already be feeling about the approaching labour. Instead, it’s better to ask how she’s feeling or offer your support in helping her prepare for the baby’s arrival. Remember that many women have antenatal appointments scheduled during this period to monitor their health and the baby’s progress. These appointments are critical for tracking the final stages of pregnancy, so it’s best not to add unnecessary stress with comments about how close she seems to labour.

3. “You must be so uncomfortable!”

While this may seem like a sympathetic comment, it often serves as a reminder of the discomfort she’s likely already experiencing. The third trimester can bring swollen feet, back pain, and exhaustion, so reiterating how uncomfortable she must be can feel dismissive of her experience. Instead, offer practical solutions or ask if there’s anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Antenatal care often includes guidance on managing these physical discomforts, whether through recommendations for antenatal massage, gentle exercise, or relaxation techniques. It’s important to be mindful of how much discomfort women in their third trimester are enduring without making them feel worse by pointing it out.

4. “I hope you’re ready for no sleep once the baby arrives.”

While it’s common knowledge that newborns require a lot of attention, especially during the night, reminding a pregnant woman that her sleep will be disrupted is unhelpful. She’s likely already aware of this fact, and comments like these can add to her anxiety about becoming a mother. Instead, consider offering words of encouragement about her ability to handle the transition to motherhood. New mothers often attend antenatal classes to prepare for labour, delivery, and newborn care, so it’s best to focus on how she’s preparing for these changes rather than highlighting the challenges. Antenatal education can provide valuable coping strategies, and many women benefit from this support during their final trimester.

5. “You’re still pregnant?”

This remark can feel dismissive, particularly if a woman is near or past her due date. Pregnancy is already long and exhausting, so hearing this type of comment can feel frustrating. Remember that due dates are not exact, and many women deliver a week or two before or after their expected date. Rather than commenting on how long the pregnancy seems, ask how she’s feeling and whether there’s anything she needs as she approaches the final days. Women in their third trimester are likely attending more frequent antenatal checkups or pregnancy clinic visits to monitor the health of their baby. These appointments help ensure everything is progressing as it should, but the waiting can still feel difficult.

6. “Are you planning on breastfeeding?”

While this might seem like a harmless question, it can bring up feelings of anxiety, especially if a woman is uncertain about her feeding plans. Breastfeeding is a personal decision, and some women may not be able to breastfeed for medical or personal reasons. Pressuring them to answer this question can cause unnecessary stress. Instead, it’s more appropriate to offer support and encouragement regardless of her decision. Antenatal education often covers topics like breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, so it’s likely that she has already been given the information she needs to make the best choice for her and her baby.

7. “I was in labour for 36 hours; it was awful!”

Sharing horror stories about labour can significantly increase a pregnant woman’s anxiety, especially as her due date approaches. The fear of labour is common, and hearing negative experiences can exacerbate these worries. Instead, focus on positive stories or simply offer reassurance that she will be in good hands with her healthcare team. Many women attend antenatal classes near me or antenatal yoga sessions to prepare for labour both physically and mentally. These classes focus on relaxation, breathing techniques, and building confidence, so it’s important not to counteract these efforts with scary stories.

8. “Should you be eating that?”

Pregnant women are often subjected to unsolicited advice about what they should or shouldn’t eat. While it’s important for women to follow their antenatal care provider’s dietary recommendations, comments from others can feel judgmental. It’s best to trust that she knows what’s best for her body and her baby, as her healthcare provider will have already given her specific guidance on pregnancy nutrition. Antenatal vitamins and a balanced diet are part of a comprehensive pregnancy care plan, but it’s not helpful to question or criticise a pregnant woman’s food choices unless she specifically asks for advice.

9. “Are you sure you’re ready for a baby?”

This question can bring up a lot of doubts for a pregnant woman. Preparing for motherhood is a complex emotional journey, and suggesting that she might not be ready can increase feelings of inadequacy or fear. Instead, focus on positive affirmations and remind her that she has the strength and support to handle the challenges ahead. Many women seek antenatal support through their healthcare provider, antenatal clinic, or peer groups to feel more confident as they approach motherhood. Offering your own support and encouragement will help her feel more ready, not less.

10. “Enjoy your freedom while you can!”

Although often said in jest, this comment can make pregnancy feel like the end of a woman’s independence, which can cause anxiety and sadness. While it’s true that life will change dramatically once the baby arrives, framing it as the end of freedom is unhelpful. Instead, offer positive comments about how exciting it will be to meet the baby and how much joy motherhood can bring. Encouraging relaxation during pregnancy can help alleviate some of these anxieties. Activities such as prenatal yoga, antenatal massage, or simply taking time to rest and reflect can help expectant mothers find peace in these final weeks before birth.

Conclusion: Support, Not Stress

In the final trimester of pregnancy, women are often feeling physically tired and emotionally vulnerable. Offering support rather than unsolicited advice or insensitive comments is crucial. Focus on being encouraging, empathetic, and mindful of how your words might be received. Remember, every pregnancy journey is unique, and pregnant women are doing their best to prepare for one of the most significant life changes they will ever experience. If you know someone in their third trimester, consider offering them practical help—whether that’s attending an antenatal checkup with them, signing up for pregnancy yoga classes, or simply being there to listen. Pregnant women need understanding, not pressure, and your words can make all the difference.